Believing a lie

I find myself every year after Easter and before my birthday thinking about my life and what stage of life I'm in.  Honestly, I'm quite bored with where I'm at in life and want a change. I know I'm lazy because I don't feel challenged enough or motivated. I'm ready to move on and see what other exciting things God has for me in my life. I'm ready for the next chapter.

I tell God often, "God, reveal Your plan for me. Show me the way. Show me where You want me to be. Where I need to be." It's my constant prayer.

I realize I have been believing in a lie so long that I lost heart and I lost hope. My own negative thoughts. My own assumptions of what I think people think about me. I can be so self-focused, until I averted my eyes off of me and back on to Jesus. 

My attitude has changed inwardly since I had this realization of how self-absorbed and self-focused I have been. I feel like a new born baby Christian again discovering this truth. What lies have you been believing about yourself? 

I have a hard time with where I'm at in life. I feel stuck living with my mother and my brother. I believe I will always be living here, working the same job, and never advancing while my friends continue to go ahead of me and graduate college, work their dream jobs, get engaged, get married, and have children.  See, there is that self-focus and envy that pours into my thoughts and Satan jeering me saying, "It will happen for everyone else, but not for you."

I realize how easily I can get distracted from focusing on Jesus by my own thoughts. I began to renew my thoughts with His truth. Learning to sort through the lies is still a process for me. I'm not a naturally upbeat person. I am a "realist" who sees the world for what it really is, but in the process I have focused entirely too much on myself and what I perceive other people think about me as a person and my life. Self-perceptions.

I pray that God will continue to protect me from Satan's lies(I know He will) and that I will live victoriously. Live like I have been saved and that God has a plan for me. I have a hard time believing that because I want things to happen for me like I see in my other friend's lives. I know I'm so impatient and so unwilling to wait and keep seeking God in every aspect of my life.

I just want to know that I'm not a failure. That God is pleased with me. I don't have to do all these things like serving in every single ministry or volunteering and helping people with stuff all the time. I know sometimes I equate pleasing God to WHAT I DO, but it's about pleasing Him with the kind of person I AM.

I don't want to believe in these lies anymore.  I want to advance and grow, and I want people to see me for who I really am and who I desire to really be. I don't want to be fake, a busybody, a gossip, a liar, a person who envies and secretly hates someone for the things they have that I don't have... I want to be a woman of God, pure, undefiled, noble, wise, a servant, etc.

Even if the things I desire deep in my heart don't happen like marriage and children, I pray that I will be content with that, and not only that, but be content with where I am now or where I will be no matter what stage of life I'm in.

In Jesus' Name.

S.L. Johnson