Friday, March 27, 2009

Trusting in God

Today is Friday, March 27, 2009.

There are so many people on my mind right now. I guess you could say that I'm burdened with prayers for my friends. Some of my friends are tired from trying to work and go to school. Some of my friends have financial concerns. Others have major health issues going on. Other just want to know what God would have for them.

Although I'm not around much, I meditate on these things. I pray to God about them. It puts into perspective how much in need of God we are everyday. With the busyness of life, it is easy to throw a pity party for yourself or allow yourself to be bogged down with the have nots and not yets. It is easy to forget all about God in the process. It is easy to say, "God, where are you", or "God, have you forgotten all about me?"

Sometimes, I am jealous or even envious of my friends. I want to have my own apartment. I want to be on my own, but because of life decisions, I'm not. I'm not able to spend money and go out like I see some of my friends doing, and it does make me mad sometimes because I want to go out and do things, but God says to me that I need to be wise with my money and if I really want to be on my own again or do this or that, I need to be disciplined and say no sometimes, even when it is hard to say no. He is teaching me to say no right now, but sometimes I take the no to extreme and never go out or hang out. That's another issue...

I have to quit comparing myself to my friends, and remember that I'm different than my friends. God has a plan for each individual He has created. I want to know many things and ask God many questions, and sometimes, I feel like He is not there.

I ask God, "Where does my true passion lie?" "Should I go to school, and if I did, what would I go to school for?" I need a direct, clear, concise answer from God. I want to know because I don't want to waste my life. I know that I could perish at any moment because my life is a vapor. I don't want to look back at my life, and say, "God, I could of done more, but I was so focused on myself and what I wanted. I could of lived a better life."

So, my goal is to stay focused on God and not compare myself to my friends and where I should be in life at age 28, almost 29. I have to believe that God does have a plan for my life, and that I am a very blessed person because I have basic necessities in life: I have food,water, clothing, and shelter. I have a mother and two brothers and many other family members who love and care about me. I have a wonderful church home and friends that come alongside me and I can come alongside of them and help them and encourage them, and so many of them have been an encouragement to me, especially last year when I didn't feel good from the headaches I was experiencing. I have a job and a car that gets me from point "A" to "B". I might not have the most glamourous job or most up to date car, but I'm grateful. In hindsight, I'm rich in comparison to most of the world.

I'm grateful that the Lord will never leave me or forsake me and I have faith that God will lead me in the right direction. I'm the one who has to choose who I will follow. In the process, I have to be disciplined and obedient, and not lose heart. This life is not easy, and even moreso being a follower of Jesus, we are not promised an easy life. If my life were easy, I would never learn anything.

I know I'm not the only person who has these questions of "What should I do with my life in regards to this or that". I have to remain focused and REMEMBER His Word, promises, and all the good things He has done for me. All the trials and tribulations He has seen me through. He is always with me. He has some awesome people in my path to help me remember His character and He has used my family and friends to speak truth in my life.

When I look back at my life, I'm grateful. God saved me from a very dark road. I was so unhappy living that kind of life. I knew in my heart that I needed a Saviour, and once Jesus opened my eyes and ears to things unseen, my life has changed tremendously. I have the kind of friends I have always wanted. I am not in the place in life I want to be, but God is with me and preparing me for the things to come.

My prayer is that I will not lose focus or heart and keep pressing on towards the goal. I'm always so focused on growth in my walk with Christ. No matter what my desires are, my biggest desire is to be a woman of God, set apart to do the work He has for me and not get caught up or polluted by the world. This world has nothing for me. By body and everything I am belongs to God. I want to glorify Him and do His Work. That is my heart's cry. That is what I'm here to do.

Even if I have to give up marriage and children. God, I deep down really want to stay focused on You, and please give me the strength and courage to press on even if I don't get the things I want. Not my will be done, but Yours Father God. Yours, God.

In Christ Forevermore,
Shanna Leanne

Friday, March 20, 2009

Lead me

Father God,

I have thought and thought about a life long career and what I'm really passionate about, but I'm still not sure. I'm soon to be 29 years old on May 17th. I don't want to waste time and this life that You have given me. I know I haven't always made the best use of my time, but I do realize that my life is a vapor as Your Word says. I want to make the best of my time here before I pass away and return to You. I want You to be proud of Your daughter and I want to make a difference and really live for You. I know it takes discipline, endurance, and strength. I know I lack motivation, drive, and a desire right now because I feel disconnected from Your church. Forgive me for being self-centered and self-focused. How many times will I have to repent for following after false idols?

Father, lead me into the direction You would have me to go. Father, give me clear insight, wisdom, and discernment as to what it is You would have me to do. I need clarity as to what I need to do. Should I go to college and take classes? What should I pursue in school if I do go? Show me where my true passion lies, and give me the motivation and drive to go after it. I need a clear answer from the Lord because I don't want to waste my time here like I already have. I know that life is temporal, and Your Word stands forever. I want to please You and not focus on worldly things, but spiritual and heavenly things that do not pass away.
There are so many things that I want to do, but I want to pursue the path that is within Your Will and will glorify You, and not myself.

Forgive me for not seeking You when I need to run to You and have ran towards worldly things that never satisfy. Thank you for Your love, grace, mercy, and undying patience which I don't fully comprehend.

You daughter,
Shanna Leanne